I do this thing where everybody dies. This person chokes to death (there’s no one to help with the Heimlich) this one gets in a car accident. And this one, well that’s usually how it goes; choking and car accidents. I don’t why, I’m fucking neurotic. I keep this shit to myself so people don’t know how neurotic I am. Instead I say “I’ll talk to you later”. 99% of people say it back or okay or some variation of that. And that’s all good you know, cause now you can’t die; you gotta be around latter to talk to me. So yeah, fuck you death, I tricked you.
Of course I’m aware that this isn’t the way it works but it soothes the OCD. It’s like a mental cigarette; calms the nerves for a few minutes but it never lasts. Inevitably I’m back to locking and unlocking the door and making sure the fridge door is shut for the 5th time you know, who knows what the fuck will happen if I don’t touch the stove once more, the god damn shower will probably start leaking.
My air conditioner is broken. It happened because I didn’t touch the sink faucet this morning. That’s such bullshit. This is going to be like 3k to get a new unit. 3k which truthfully I don’t have just sitting idly in the bank collecting some bullshit like .01% interest waiting to be spent on a new a/c unit. Being poor is fucking stressful man. Gotta think about shit, worry about shit. I can’t just up and spend 5k for a top of the line a/c unit. That would be nice though, “My a/c needs to be replaced, come do it. What? $4,967? Yeah that’s fine.” I have to think like, “shit, I’ve got like sixty-three hundred dollars, this is going to take half my fucking money man. How do I get this done as cheap as possible? I hope nothing else fucks up until I can replace this money.” All this thinking can make you neurotic you know. Years of thinking about shit and worrying. “Man, will this or that be okay? Will I be able to afford this? Shit, the cars sounding like crap.” I stopped smoking to save money, that’s like raise. Plus I’m not going to die of some shitty cigarette disease. Well, maybe the damage is done, I guess I’ll find out at some point. I gotta go touch my fucking stove man.